You turn my whole world misty blue

So, obviously I haven't been good at keeping my thoughts down. Sometimes there is so much that I want to say and I'm afraid that someone might read it and think the wrong thing or I will hurt someone's feelings. The problem is that it all stays inside and most days I feel like my head is spinning. Plus I've been so busy, but I am about to graduate and the tax season is ending so things are looking up in the having more time department.

I really dislike my job. I don't hate it, but I feel I could do more. Its just a job, not a career at all. I prepare taxes, and you know what? I am pretty good at it because I have always been one of those weird numbers people. That's not why I dislike my job. I dislike it because I get paid the same as someone who works at KFC, except I don't smell like grease all the time. I have to worry about whether I did someone's return right so that they won't be audited, my boss is never at work. She is super nice and I like her, but she is never there. I used to feel important, and I used to contribute to the household finances, now I feel so expendable.

I did apply for a job last week, but I was denied of course. I have no relevant experience. I'm getting stressed that I have all these student loans to pay and I won't be able to find a job that makes enough to get them paid off as well as the other bills we have. My husband tells me to relax and focus on trying to get my accounting degree and then I will be able to make enough to not worry about the bills. I hope he is right, he just has so much faith in me that even I don't seem to have sometimes. I just don't like this growing up stuff and I want to have fun; I want to do something that makes me happy to be me and makes me feel like I am making a difference.

Anyway, that was a downer. Hopefully tomorrow I can come back with some more fun stuff. I'm going to challenge myself to get everything out of my head every day until July, and then we will go from there.